Tuesday, November 03, 2009

The Weasel Report

I apologize to anybody who has already recieved this as an e-mail. This blog was also my mental health update to friends and family.

I am writing stuff again. I got so inspired with some of the books I bought at the used book sale that it made me remember a time when I was so eager to put pen to paper and just write....even if it was absolute crap!

I did buy a book this weekend on writing memoirs (uh oh!) and a writing book by E.M. Forrester (I loved Sean Connery's portrail of him!). So I started re-reading Virginia Woolf's writing book and I've been inspired. Gotta find that inspiration anywhere I can anymore. I stiffled myself for quite a while worrying about what everybody else would think...would they get angry or their feelings hurt. I know. I never used to be that sensitive about my writing. Tony mellowed me out...a lot...according to Jesse, my son! Not a bad thing. Didn't mean it to sound that way. He just balanced me...no small task, that! Jesus, I miss him so much!

I remember when I used to spend hours pouring over the works of Rossetti, Tennyson, Swinburne, Poe and Arnold Matthews while lying on the floor in a sun spot, stretched out like a cat. My favorite book "Later English Poets" has stood forelorn the last 17 years...only being picked up to be moved instead of opened. I used to pick it up or a volume of Herriot's works and pour myself a glass of Ameretto or Harvey's and relax in the evening while my ex-husband, Kelly, was at school.

The last year I was married to Kelly, I used to write poetry on crisp, autumn mornings with a glass of wine or a Irish coffee by the typewriter and just go! I decided after the divorce that turning my life into Dylan Thomas's drunken one wasn't such a hot idea.

I believe I lost my inspiration due to contentment. Now, I have it back through loss. How fucking Odd is THAT! I always did have a problem writing when I was happy. I'm backasswards! I would go weeks between journal entries...even when it was something important. Now sometimes I go only a matter of hours. Odder still, there is a certain amount of contentment where I am now. Re-acquainting myself with myself and figuring out who and what I am and where the hell I am going next with my life.

On Saturday, after the booksale (was there from 9-1 looking over every single thing at least twice!), I stopped by the grocery store. I bought a combination pizza with sausage, a bottle of green olives, salad makings, Marie's blue cheese dressing, bread, Earl Grey Tea, a generous chunk of Brie, a bottle of white wine and a bottle of Harvey's Bristol Creme. My grocery list may not sound like anything fabulous, but it was all foods I love and used to buy every so often or not at all. It was time to spoil myself...if I was going to spoil myself rotten I would have bought a box of See's (I forgot it when I was in Reno...DAMN IT!)! I knitted in front of the t.v. in my sweats and turned the front porch light off when I wanted to shut it down from the little trick or treaters (which weren't many).

Well, enough of boring you to death. Just a word to let you know I am still alive and obnoxious!