It was colder than hell this morning. The sort of cold that freezes the fog and turns it into tiny little ice crystals. It slicked the highway, turning it into a deadly, black sheet of ice. Glitter frost stuck to the sagebrush and cedars up and down the canyon.
I didn't want to go to work.
Walking into the office this morning, I checked the tape back-up and walked to the breakroom and poured myself a cup of coffee. Sitting down at my desk, I opened my company e-mail and found a cute snowman Christmas wish from one of the gals in Corporate in sunny Southern California.
It was the usual cartoony snowmen, kisses, singing, snow people hugging, having snowball fightes and wishing you good things like phone calls from someone far away. It was nice and cute. I passed it on to a couple other people I know. A couple hours passed.
I decided I had a moment to open my personal e-mail and check it. In my in-box was a name from high school...a long-lost, best girlfriend. Time and stupidity, I let her go...and then always wonder what the hell happened and why.
In my case, it had been stupidity. Petty squabbles and heartbreak made me act like an ass towards someone who had been there through some pretty rough stuff...high school. If you say you didn't get a few scars from it, you're either lying or were too stoned to notice.
She and I had a lot of great times together...water balloons tossed down lover's lane, listening to space music in the middle of the night while camping at Strawberry Reservoir, cow pie tossing, outhouse tipping, fishing, sleep overs, sneaking beers and cigerettes, hanging out around town and walking no particular place. I had wondered about her a lot and the rest of the old gang...Nancy, Joe, Terri and Kerri (the twins), Mary, Tammy, Terry S (god! where was he?!).....what had they done with their lives after high school...were they happy...were they ok?
The stupid ending to our friendship came to my mind often. There were a lot of times I really wanted to tell her that I was sorry for being such a bitch. It haunted me throughout the years, as did the memories of all the good times.
When an e-mail came to my box last summer from Reunion.com., I thought, yeah, right! I entered my info anyway, put in a search and thought...What the heck!
This morning, she answered. She was happy and married and had children. She'd travelled. She had wondered about me, too!
I read her tentative sounding e-mail and immediately answered her back. It was the exhileration and excitement of getting something so special...that present you don't really think you'll get, but you tell Santa anyway and sort of cross your fingers hoping really hard it happens.
I poured myself into an e-mail that, of course, got really long and sent it off. A couple hours later at lunch, there was an answer.
We're both blown away at what a wonderful present we got. In my return reply, memories flowed through my mind...summers, winters, times we'd scared the literal crap out of each other with ghost stories and spooky houses. God! It had been 33 years since we had last talked, had coffee in Sambo's, and laughed. Somehow I was transformed in a moment to a girl of 17, and so was she. It was so marvelous! It is so marvelous!
I don't get mushy, mushy, but I cried. This was like "A Christmas Story" and "Stand By Me" all rolled into one! Even better, I got a chance to say I was sorry and she forgave me and still wants to be friends.
I thought about the year in retrospect...My son remarried this year. I have grandchildren now that my husband and I adore. Another friend, Artos has come back into my life after loosing touch with him for 6 years. I wrote earlier about the changes within myself that I was making...things I was allowing myself to do and feel again...taking chances. I really believe that when you open up, something wonderful happens. In my blog of yesterday, "Sincerly", I spoke of anticipation and the ones I love and miss. I had no idea this was coming. What a wonderful Christmas gift!
Now, once again, I want to say, sincerly, thank you for your present, and your forgiveness, and I love you more than words can say!